L’appel

Everything smells like blood. I can’t tell if it’s my body or if everything actually smells like blood. I’ve been taking rat poison so long, walking the tight rope of “just enough to keep me from dying”.

I would like to stop taking it.

I would like to wake up without tasting iron.

I would like to finish a novel.

I would like to be left alone with a one-bedroom apartment, a good night’s sleep, broken eggshells with no remorse, no more thinking in fours.

I would like to shrug off shame with the same ease with which I curse the bad angle of a door swinging shut. “Shit. That’s fine. I didn’t need those knuckles anyway.”

If wishes were horses beggars would ride.

Fortunately for bitter English proverbs today my locus of control is more internal than external and I’ve got an idea.

rlb 5.16.17

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